A Wandering Mind...

Subject: Re: A Wandering Mind... Tue Oct 13, 2009 5:00 pm

In the stillness of this night, a night when my heart should be leaping with joy, I find sleep still eludes me. There IS joy in my heart for my prayers have been answered. A prayer which I have recited daily for nearly 30 years. I can ask for no more in this lifetime of mine...for I have both my husband and my son....safe...free from the pact made years and years ago with the Goddess Pelor. The inherited healer, Sunbeam, has returned home to her mother...and I get to keep the men in my life until their natural end comes to pass.

I have no right to be anything but joyful and thankful for what transpired tonight. Poor Diana was amazing beyond all our expectations. Barely healed herself, she put forth every ounce of energy she possessed to save the lives of her King and Prince...perhaps at the expense of her own life. Yet, she waivered not a bit. I shall be eternally grateful to her.

Yet.........my heart aches. It aches to see the contempt my beloved son shows for his Da....still. It aches to see the blatant disrespect he displayed to the Goddess Pelor. The measures his ancestors were forced to take years ago seem to mean nothing to him except as an inconvenience to HIS life. I have been tolerant enough of this rebellious stage. I can tolerate no more. The guilt I now bare having to put to parchment the words that I was humiliated by his insubordination as we sought a resolution, distresses me more than I can say. I would truly worry for the future of Solurius were the crown to fall on my son's head before he matures to the man his father and I dreamed him to become.

Where have I failed?

Subject: Re: A Wandering Mind... Sun Jun 07, 2009 7:25 am

Bending to anoint the tops of my feet, "Let your feet always walk the secret paths...." Issotta was then standing and unwinding a sparkling silver chain and pendant from her cloak. Laying it over the altar as it catches the light, the chain has dangling from it several stones in settings.

"One stone is brown, your connection to the earth elementals. Another is purple, your connection to divinity. On each side is a moonstone, representative of the Goddess, woman and self. This emblem, you may wear for all things magical," raising it up. "Bless this emblem, Oh Great Ones, that Caillean may be protected and blessed in all ways." She slides it around my head to dangle over my gown.

"Now...Caillean.....," speaking very gently, "Elyas and I will step outside the circle a moment to give you time to be alone to receive the Goddess' blessing."

With the touch, a fullness once again fills her heart. She had felt the presence of the Goddess, filling her with light.

"Do you feel that you can?" examining her expression.

"I can...."

Smiling and turning to Elyas, "We'll wait just outside the circle...." Elyas feels quiet a temperature change when they leave the confines of the circle's light.

I nod and kneel again at the altar stone. The wind stirs softly. My voice is barely a whisper, "Dear Goddess...I give myself tae ye in spirit an' wi' love." I can hear the tremble in my voice. "Lady of Life, help me, for wi'out Ye, I am lost. Show me th' way...help me tae understand."

A voice is heard, as if the trees themselves whispered to me!

"Daughter.....at last you are reconciled to me." The wind tosses my hair softly and my heart beats as if it might burst from my chest!

"When you call upon me....I will be there with you, always. When your husband looks upon your face, he will see my light in you. From this moment forward, I will call to you by a new name....."

My eyes lift from the altar skyward.

"Your spirit will be called Ashea....for at the beginning of the month of Ash did you come to receive my blessing. Go in peace, my daughter....fear no more...doubt yourself no more. Learn and grow in love......"

The tears of joy sit on my lashes.

The breeze dies down and the night hums around me. I reach out to the Goddess.

It was as if She can feel me, Her hand tingling with warmth, like a mother's touch. I feel the spirit of love from Her hand. I know that from this time forward I will never be entirely alone. I know my life now has been forever changed.

"I treasure Your love an' I shall serve Ye as a faithful servant...now an' forever." The tears fall as my eyes blink rapidly. I stand slowly, gazing at the altar, the ring of stones and the light of the fire, of love surrounding me.

Elyas sees Caillie's body language and looks to Issotta, silently asking if she feels The Queen is alright.

I step slowly back from the altar turning to Issotta and Elyas.

Issotta is smiling at Elyas and walking back inside the ring.

"Sister?" I whisper softly to Issotta.

Smiling with tears in her eyes, "Yes, Caillean....."

Elyas breathed a sigh of relief as the two embraced, tears of joy streaming down their cheeks, seeing the radiant glow on Caillie's face.

"Did you find joy, and peace, Caillean?"

I struggle as I try to find my voice, "Oh, Issotta...Tis a feeling I cannae describe! I feel...I feel as if there is a new me inside this body!" I hold my arms up to the sky and twirl around and around, my soft shimmering gown flowing gently with each move.

Carefully I remove a band of flowers from my wrist and slide it onto Issotta's arm. I then remove the other band and slide it on Ely's wrist.

Taking the wreath from my head I walk back to the altar and reverently lay it atop the altar stone. I curtsy deeply and moves back to the ladies. Linking my arms in their's, I kiss each of their cheeks.

Sighing softly with satisfaction, "Shall we go back down?"

"Aye...I am ready."

Elyas blushes, and nods.

My footsteps lighter than air, we start the descent from the Tor.

"I know a quicker path, but it is very steep."

Elyas giggles, "I climb rocks....."

"Lead th' way, dear Sister!"

Elyas then laughs out loud not being able to help it.

"Yes...Elyas should make it down in one piece, at least. Shall we?"

We lift our skirts and laughing like schoolgirls, pelt down the hill with a new sense of being filling our hearts.

Subject: Re: A Wandering Mind... Sat Jun 06, 2009 4:00 pm

Outside are ten of the Maidens from the house with torches and beaming faces.

"They have asked to escort you, and sing for you on your path up the Tor."

I smile at the lasses meeting each of their eyes in a silent thank you. As we step out into the night, the small chorus of voices strikes up. "Blessed art thou, Oh, Goddess of night who giveth us darkness pierced only by stars...."

Issotta motions them forward and they step into two lines, we women between them, leading the singing group onto the processional path that will climb the side of the magical Tor.

Issotta smiled silently as her heart starts to fall into the rhythm of song and steps. She was looking up at the full, round moon and turning to see how its light glows on my rapt face and garment.

As we grow nearer and nearer the top, a golden glow can be seen near the crest. The night sounds hush around us. I see the giant ring of stones casting huge shadows as we climb. A tall torch stands lit and flaming between each giant in the ring, making a circle of ancient stones and fire.
Lifting my gown , I stumble slightly, watching in awe as we near the top of the Tor. The sweet smell of incense curls from small bonfires all around the circle. We reach the top and stop outside the ring of stones. Issotta turns and with a silent gesture, sends the little girls away. The girls each bow slightly to the women and turn, their little steps echoing in the night as they depart.

"We will go now, into the circle...among the Giants of the Dance.
This is a place of great power. Before we enter, it is best if we clear our hearts of anything that burdens us. Set your minds upon the night itself, and all will be well."

My thoughts race back to my love and Solurius...but the magic of the night allows me the concentration to remove the thoughts from my mind. I take a deep, cleansing breath.. hold my head high...ready to give myself to the Goddess.

"Are we ready?"

I nod my assent. Issotta turns, leading us into the giant circle of stones and fire. The awe that overtakes my spirit as I step into the circle leaves me breathless. The inside of the circle is blazing with light and warmth. Issotta moves to a flat altar-like stone in the middle and opening her parcel, laying each item in its place. Turning she raises her arms to the night.

"I call upon you , powers of Air, Fire, Water and Earth to witness this rite, and protect all within this great circle," lowering her arms slowly and taking from the altar a small bag of salt. "Tonight, Caillean, we are here to initiate you into the sisterhood of the Goddess. As all women are her daughters, you have chosen to bear her blessing, that you may offer her comfort to those around you. Elyas and I come here tonight as your handmaidens, and your sisters in Her name. Do you come here, Caillean, willingly, and by your own full choice?"

I speak for the first time, "I do, M'lady."

"Very well then, Caillean. Open your mouth so that I can present to you our symbol of Earth," taking a small pinch of salt in her hand and
placing it on her tongue."You are mortal, loved and cared for by the Goddess and Great God.

The bitterness stings my tongue momentarily.

"Through the Great Mother all things are born; to her all things in their season return. Through her sacred cauldron, we enter and leave this physical world, until by our actions we are no longer required to return," taking my hand and guiding me. "Kneel now before this altar stone, Caillean...."

Lifting my gown, I kneel reverently at the altar stone.

Raising a little vial of perfumed oil in her hands, "Caillean, you come into this sacred place willingly. You come to dedicate your heart to protecting all people, of all faiths. Here you give your word bond to follow the ancient paths that lead to true wisdom and knowledge. Here, you vow to share the love and comfort of the Goddess with those in need. You are a stone in the ancient circle, standing firmly balanced upon earth, yet open to the winds of the heavens and enduring through time. May the Old Gods hear our words......."

I lower my eyes as I take in the heady scent of incense. "As ye say, M'lady, I come o' my own will an' desire tae serve th' Goddess. So be it."

Taking my hand, "Rise, Caillean....and walk the circle with us."
I sway a bit as I stand, though I am too firmly rooted to fall, and I follow.

Guiding me to the Eastern quarter, "Behold, powers of Air! Caillean is a follower of the Lord and Lady!"

I feel the wind upon me. "The wind nourishes the flame of the soul," I speak softly.

Walking slowly, guiding me very carefully as we go to the South, "Behold, powers of Fire! Greet your friend Caillean!"

"May the fire always light the flame of love in my heart."

Smiling as we move in gentle steps to the West, "Behold, powers of Water.....Greet the daughter of Ceridwen."

"May the water always quench the thirst for love, desire and knowledge."
Going at last to the North, "Oh, powers of Air.....Greet Caillean, and hold her gently, always, " leading me back to the altar stone.

The slight chill is replaced by the warmth of the gentle breeze blowing over my body on this sacred ground. More aware than ever before, I move my feet once more.

Taking the small vial of oil in her hand and placing a drop of oil on her finger, anointing my brow, "May your mind be open to the truth......."

Elyas lightly gasps and looks away to something else. Issotta's eyes dart, concerned to Elyas, but she holds her peace. The coolness of the oil on my forehead sends a rushing sense of peace throughout me. Issotta then anoints my upper lip.

"May your mouth be silent among the unbelievers......" Then anointing the area over my heart, "May your heart seek her always......"
Taking each of my hands and anointing each palm. "Let your hands lift always in praise."

Elyas firmly keeps her eyes to gaze upon my face not daring to look anywhere else.

Subject: Re: A Wandering Mind... Wed Jun 03, 2009 10:04 pm

I have asked that Elyas be allowed to travel with me to Avalon. I cannot believe the time has come so soon! Tis a fond farewell I bid to my husband as Lord Eoin awaits to accompany me on this most important journey

There is no need to read the words on the page. Caillie closes her eyes and recalls each and every detail of the events as they unfolded:

Eoin holds up his hand to signal the guards to stop, dismounts and walks to the gigantic stone.
"Same as before lads. Ten will go ahead...then the Queen and Elyas...followed by the last ten." He unsheathes Lion's Fang, touching it to the symbol for the Avalon gate. "M'lady Elyas...ye will feel an unusual sensation. Nothing to fear. From what I'm told, if ye have survived the Mists, ye shall have no trouble here. Men! Proceed...and remember, once you reach the shore and the Queen is greeted and crosses, we shall camp on the Solurius side of the shore." The first ten of the Royal Guards enter the Gateway as he reaches up and pats the neck of my horse and then Ely's, looking to sooth them. "M'Queen...when ye are ready." He lets all pass through, then mounts his own black and begins the short journey to Avalon as he follows them through the Gateway

The sensation whirls around us but the passage is short and soon we emerge on the other side. The fullness of the moon lights our path as we come to the Shore.

"Guards Halt!" Issotta is seen drifting toward us out of the darkness on the barge. "We go no further men. The Queen will be met by the Priestess and we'll swap lies over the campfire." My eyes sparkle with excitement as I see Issotta coming closer. She raises a hand in greeting as the barge drifts to a halt. The rest becomes a blur as we break the mists quickly, as if the night were eager to greet us on Avalon. The rich full moon colors Avalon's shore in silver as the boat skims to a halt and we are able to disembark.

"We will go first to a little cottage near the Tor for preparations....." Issotta smiles as a white robed child hands her a torch. "This way....."She leads us along a dark pathway through the grove to a tiny cottage and opens the door to a warmly lit, fragrant room. "It will be a very lovely night for us all. We will begin with ritual cleansing." Three small basins of water were brought in. "Each of these basins contain water from the holy well, strewn with bay and wild mint," smiling and handing us each a small cloth and towel. " If you like, you may wash your hands and face free of the dust of the road." stirring the water in her own basin. "The bay laurel is said to counteract restriction and inhibitions.....The mint is for protection and cleansing."

Ely takes it and dips the towel and gently cleanses my face then hands.

"Very good. Now....," going to bring out a shining white garment, "if you please, Caillean, go behind that dressing screen in the corner and don this gown." I take the gown in my hands, move behind the screen. Undoing laces, I remove my gown and chemise and lay them on the small stool at my side then step out silently.

Gesturing to a chair, "If you sit down, Elyas and I will make you fine and lovely. Elyas, you brought the wreaths, yes?"

My hands are trembling on my lap as Elyas produced one of the three wreaths. "We have taken all of the trappings of this world from you, now, Caillean..... and Elyas will fit you with a flower wreath...a gift of the earth," as she gently unfasten my hair from braids, combing out the red tresses gently.

I finger my wedding band gently. Issotta's eyes fall on me..."All trappings, but one, I should say....your symbol of your marriage you shall keep. For in loving and devotion, you serve her well." Elyas, waiting for her cue from the priestess, takes the wreath of dried sphagnum moss containing dried thistle, rosemary, and goldenrod. She steps up to me raising the wreath over my head and holds it there a moment. She smiles down upon me and gently settles it upon my head "Thistle fer country.....goldenrod fer light, rosemary fer connection tae spirit...an' moss fer connection tae earth..."

Do you have others for her as well? You chose perfectly, Elyas.

" Aye...two fer her 'ands. Just as ye said...."

"You may put them on her wrists now."

Elyas takes each in turn lightly lingering before slipping them over and gently squeezing each hand in mine, a light glimmer to her eyes.

Taking my hands and helping me to my feet, "Look how beautiful you are, Caillean.....like a vision."

I stand slowly, my feet feel as light as if they were walking on a cloud.

"We'll walk to the Tor together, the three of us. And I have a surprise for you."

Subject: Re: A Wandering Mind... Mon Jun 01, 2009 7:32 pm

Issotta came to visit me this night. I share with her my delight at being back here in Avalon. As soon as I felt the mists on my face, I knew I was 'home." It was good to once again visit the special places Morgaene and I used to share. I even found the tree on which we had carved our initials, swearing friendship to the death...which came all too soon for my dearest friend. Still my heart is less heavy revisiting these places. Wonderful memories cannot be stolen and I am thankful for the time we shared.

The Lady of the Lake's mood, however, was less playful. I sensed something was on her mind.

She tells me she has spend a great deal of time in prayer and meditation on this "new phase" of my life and what it means to Avalon, the Moors and me. I also sense her frustration in my inability to control my experiences.

She next tells me she has gone to the Mother in invocation. The message she has received is that I must dedicate myself and my gift to the Goddess...in ritual. My heart both leaps and sinks at the same time. My first panic is that I will be asked to give up my Beloved, which I can never do! The Lady reassures me that in loving Meldrum, I DO serve the Goddess...in my own way.

I am next given my instructions: I am to go to the Mother, at the next full moon, and she will lay hands upon me so that I may be blessed and feel her love. In this, I must come to terms with my two worlds and homes...and make peace with the manner in which I fit into her service. My hearts sings knowing that the Goddess has not forsaken me for turning from the life of a priestess.

For now, I shall be allowed to return to Solurius to await the fullness of the moon. On my return journey to Avalon, I am to observe silence for one full hour before the ritual, which may be difficult indeed! I am packed and waiting for my guards to arrive to escort me home. I cannot wait to share with Mel what is to happen!

Subject: Re: A Wandering Mind... Fri May 29, 2009 9:06 pm

Unknown to me at this time, The Lady was more concerned than she was will to share.

Issotta paced restlessly before her fire, having tossed aside her needlepoint impatiently. She had spent hours in reflection as to what step she must next take with Caillean. She was troubled after their last attempt at teaching, though she had said nothing to Caillean of her concerns, afraid of worrying the Queen. Something...something is not well with her visions.....she is completely lost to this world when she slips away. Issotta rubbed her weary eyes with tired hands, and turning to the doorway, took up her cloak and fled the confines of the cottage. Her steps led her to her place of solace...her place of answers.

The night was quiet, and cold, the trees around her all but shutting out the light of the night sky. Through a stand of birches and down into a tiny hollow she wandered, kneeling finally at the side of the mirror pool. She leaned over and breathed softly onto the water, which answered her with tiny ripples, making the moon's reflection dance gaily. Issotta smiled gently, touching the pool's water with a fingertip to her brow, her heart and the
top of each hand. She opened her arms to the night, her silent appeal going forth.

"Lady of light....great mother...wise one....what is your will for your daughter Caillean?" She held very still, except for the bowing of her head as she listened hard, shutting out all sounds to hear even the smallest answer. She waited, and waited. There was no reply. In frustration, she wailed aloud, "Are your children to wander forsaken on the plains of Sight, Lady? Why does she drift so far? Why do you let her suffer?"

Her body trembled softly as a cold wind blew her hair from her face, and the answer came, as the trees whispered in the breeze.

"Why have you no patience, daughter? Have I not put my hand upon you? My kiss resides on your brow."

Issotta's trembling fingers touched the place on her brow marked by a blue crescent; the sign of her initiation. She lowered her head again to listen.

"As you are mine....give her also to me."

Issotta shook her head and spoke to the night. "Nay, Lady.....for as much as she loves you, she belongs to the world of men. Her heart is not centered upon things of spirit, but of life and love and earth."

The water rippled curiously, as if the night were laughing.

"Think you, daughter, that every woman does not serve me in her own way? The serving woman, the farmer's wife, the merchant's daughter, and even the Queen.....by their lives, by their hearts, by their pain and joy, by all these things do they serve me. By whatever name they call upon their God or Goddess, so does the universe hear them. So, too, will my daughter Caillean go forth into the world. But first, she will feel my kiss.....not upon her brow, but upon her heart. At the next full moon......."

The night became still and silent and Issotta raised her chin slowly. It made sense, somehow. Caillean, she had been told, had fled Avalon in search of a different way of life. Now, she would need to reconcile the two worlds in her heart. It would be an initiation of sorts....different in many ways from her own. She smiled softly and stood, now feeling happy and light. She thought of a
special gift she would have made for Caillean for the ceremony and fled quickly up the path to find a messenger. Now to explain to Caillean, and hope that it would bring her peace.

Subject: Re: A Wandering Mind... Wed May 27, 2009 5:47 pm

Turning the page, her writings continue:

This night the Lady of the Lake asked me more pertinent questions and tried to recreate an episode with the "sight". The fire in the hearth always seemed to stimulate the wandering of my mind, perhaps making me more vulnerable so I sat in front of the fire. my legs tucked upp under me, as my Sister in Spirit and I enjoyed a delicious cuppa. We sat like schoolgirls, gossiping, giggling and sharing secrets. Then it happened.. within moments I was, according to Issotta, staring straight ahead, unseeing...unhearing...

"A horse...an' a little girl....."
"Nae! Nae!! Be careful!!" I scream.

Issotta urged me repeatedly to return to the wooden bridge...my place of peace...to my 'white light'...my safe, misty, beautiful light. Over and over she urged me to leave the girl and the horse...to go to the bridge and follow the light. Successfully, I pulled back from the vision using the bridge as my grounding. I want to run...I want to return home to my beloved. I want the assurance all is well in my world. Only the words of the Lady of the Lake keep me here....as a promise of help...to understand:

"You could turn your back on the Goddess and refuse to hear her voice any longer. In doing so, you will bury a whole part of yourself that is very special. If you choose, I will help you learn to master the art of the sight, and its mysteries In doing so, it will be a blessing to you, and no longer a frightening experience."

I pray for the help of the Goddess.

Subject: Re: A Wandering Mind... Sun May 24, 2009 5:35 pm

Late morning brought Caillie checking the inkspill in her diary. Sadly, the blot had soaked through many pages making some paragraphs completely illegible. She sighed as she turned the stiff, wrinkled pages. Skimming what she had previously written, she decided there was nothing crucial missing to her recorded memories. She wondered at times why she even bothered to keep a journal but it had become habit...a habit she found herself unable to break after all these years. Smiling, she kept turning pages, reading a snippet here and there... smiling at some, frowning at others. She glanced over to the bookcase and the shelves of recorded volumes: My life...so compact...so simplified. Moving to the shelves, her fingers rested on a slim volume. On the outside she had penned the words, "The Ritual"....so many years ago. Taking the journal, she sat in the sunlight, next to the open window and began to read. She shook her head in remembrance as she reread relating the story to Siobhan in detail:

"My first experience with the sight was terrifying! I am beside myself for I saw blood below the dias. Pools of blood! It wasn't until much later the late Duke Eoin came into the Castle after being attacked by a wild boar. This upset me further because I wondered if I might have prevented it had I acted on what I had seen. Your Da consulted with The Lady of the Lake and arranged for me to travel to Avalon in an attempt to understand.

I remember the first night well. It is ingrained into my memory for all time. Issotta was gracious as always and was prepared for my instruction. Once the "Sight" appeared I was lost to it. I had little control over my mind or body. It was Issotta's wish to give me a link to hold on to. I had many, many questions; and, as always, The Lady did her best tae put me at ease."

Caillie leaned back in her chair as she read the words that had plagued her so deeply and Issotta's wise words:

"If we ha' decided tha' th' "sight" has awakened in me....should it be something I wait tae come tae me? I feel I ha' no right tae summon it as a priestess would. I ha' no wish tae know th' future...bu'....wha' if a partial Sight comes...an' I feel I need tae know more?"

I think that there are wise women in the world who are not priestesses. What you may seek will not always be the future....I think it may be reasonable to seek further information from a sending you have received. The most important thing is that you never use that gift to harm or manipulate others. Sometimes, the visions reveal to us the patterns or omens that occur over and over again...past, present and future. Sometimes, we receive symbols...and then have to sort it out. That's the frustrating part. I don't believe anyone has all the answers, but we try what we may."

Standing to fill a deep earthen basin with water from a stone jar, Issotta centered the basin on a low table, a lit candle at each side.

"I have learned that intuition is a gift as well...it is like receiving a message. Sometimes we see images, or symbols, or have strong bursts of "knowing"

Tossing some herbs on the fire; the sweet scent filling the room, she knelt down before the table. " I thought tonight, Caillean, that we should help you actually seek to see something.....::gesturing to the table:: If you please...come kneel here before the table."

Her face pales a bit. " I'm nae sure...."

Issotta had smiled warmly. "If you are not ready, then we should wait. The fear in your heart will disrupt the flow of power. Otherwise, you may see frightening things....a trick of the mind."

Caillie walked determinedly to the table and knelt. " Nae. I shall be fine."

We will do something comforting...Now...Caillean, relax in a position in which you can see the water, but not near enough that you can see your own reflection."

Caillean leaned her body forward...then tilted back slightly resting on her heels.

"Now....close your eyes and think of a favorite place of yours. Perhaps a pretty place at Moors...."

She closes her eyes...and her mind takes her to her favorite place. She nods slowly. " I am there."

Passing her hand over the water, just stirring the air above it, she spoke softly. "Good......now open your eyes and look at the basin...not at the surface, but deep into the depths."

Caillie tilts her body forward...leaning slightly over the basin as she peers deep within it. At first nothing but the color of the basin reflects back at her.

" Just relax....it can take time."

The Queen blinks her eyes several times. " I see....I see flowers in a vase. Roses....white roses. An' they are sitting atop my dressing table!"

"Good.....and when you step back from the table, do you see anyone in the room?"

"There is someone....Tis my dresser, Helena"

Darting her gaze to Caillean, studying her expression carefully, she responded. "I see...."

"She is...I think she is straightening my lotions....perhaps she is dusting. I cannae tell.

"Do you get the feeling that all is well there?"

"Aye. She is only awaiting my arrival home. Making my private chamber perfect for me." She smiled with relief.

"Good...good Caillean. Now, you may want to sit back and rest..... Did that make you tired?"

"I feel like I left part o' me in th' basin! Aye...verra.....draining." She put her fingertips up to her temples with a grin.

"What you saw tonight.....it could be a simple glimpse into what life is like at home tonight
Otherwise, it could be meant as a symbol that life continues peacefully there, and that you should not worry. My biggest concern for you, Caillean, is learning not to fear the Sight, and how to control visions so that they do not come at times which are not right. Next time, we will try to determine if there is any one thing or activity that lulls your so completely that you allow yourself to see."

"I shall think on it, m'lady...an' I pray they do nae think me mad!"

"They may call you mad or worse. Though Meldrum would certainly protect you, there are those who are afraid of what they do not understand. ::smirking a little:: I have been nearly burned a couple of times now."

"When it has happened in public, I am verra embarrassed afterwards."

" I can understand that. The last thing you want is to feel like the village entertainer."

"I heard a story once of a woman.....She learned that her beloved's army was to be ambushed..he had no way of knowing. Even though she knew the consequences, she performed a ritual to purposely release herself from her body. In that astral state, as they call it sometimes, she travelled to his tent on the battlefield, and like a wraith or ghost, warned him.

Igraine...

Issotta turned and nodded to me. "That's right....it was she. In exchange for her manipulating events in the great wheel of life, Igraine fell terribly ill. She did not die.....but she knew that her life could have been taken in exchange. However....if you do what you do out of giving love and concern, and not for yourself.....I think that it is permitted. These are mysteries very deep, and something I have never done myself..I do think, however....and this is just from my heart....that if you were doing something unacceptable to the Gods, you would know it"

Her eyes closed as she laid the book in her lap, recalling the rest in vivid detail:

(tbc)

Subject: A Wandering Mind... Sat May 02, 2009 10:56 pm

It was wonderful to sleep with the windows wide open and the fresh smell of Spring filling the often stuffy winter chambers. Odd how the lack of snapping embers can disrupt one's sleeping pattern though. Caillie slipped quietly from their bed and pulled back the drapery to stare at the moonlight. A movement from below caught her attention. Ah....one of the serving wenches flirting with a night guard. She hoped it would not give her young maidens any ideas if they thought of sneaking out at night. She laughed to herself...Spring was definitely in the air!

Now wide awake, she lit a small taper from the hallway flame and carefully shut the chamber door once again. A wink to the guard posted outside let him know all was well. Shielding the taper from the breeze blowing through the window, she set it at her small writing desk in the corner of their room. She took up her quill and chewed absently on the end as she watched her beloved sleeping soundly. With a silent sigh, she dipped it into the inkwell.

How handsome he looks, even in complete repose...as if he had not a care in the world. There was a time when neither of us worried as to what the next day would bring. It was always something we knew, together, we would do our best to handle. Our only concern was the health and happiness of our subjects. Yet now, a cloud hangs over us......one of which we dare not speak. Each time I bring it up, he changes the subject not wishing to worry me yet I see it in his eyes...the pensive way he looks at me when he thinks I do not see.

She halted her writing as the pen ran dry. As it poised over the inkwell, she was forced to smile to herself. Ahh...pensive indeed. She remembered that look well from the days of their courtship when she repeatedly refused his offer of marriage. It was a time when every lass in the Kingdom would have jumped at the chance to become his wife. The poor man was dumbfounded with her reluctance to accept. My poor, beloved husband...how much I put you through these years!

Mel's voice from the darkness scared the devil out of her as he called her back to bed. The blob of spilled ink nearly obliterated what she had written. Perhaps it was best to continue in the light of day. She closed the journal lovingly with a promise to continue in the morning.